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Carl Thomas

Pastor | Live Free Founder | Lover of Jesus, Philly sports, fitness, tattoos, sarcasm, and craft beers.

Over the years I’ve come to recognize a few things that are pretty consistent when it comes to those who struggle with porn addiction (specifically men in this case).

Things that I know not only from helping those who struggle with porn and sexual addiction, but also from what I saw and did myself when I was in that place myself.

One of those things is this: pornography addiction often leads to a lot of lying.

Now, please do not take this as a statement of condemnation.

Remember, I’m talking from personal experience here.

Also, this does not mean we can blame porn for our lies. Porn does not make someone a liar. We need to own our actions and moral choices, not excuse them.

But it is true.

Pornography addiction has the ability to turn honest men into some of the worst liars. By its very nature, porn addiction needs secrecy and shame to breathe and thrive.

Unfortunately, the ones who get lied to the most are usually the ones closest to us: our families.

There are many reasons for this, but I want to give you five.

And please realize that these aren’t “excuses,” nor do they make the lying okay; they’re just legitimate reasons that might help you understand why this happens.


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Reason #1: Fear of looking weak.

Fact: Most men don’t like looking weak.

There is a common misconception out there that people who struggle with porn have some sort of inherent moral weakness.

That basically there is a flaw in their character or DNA that keeps them from abstaining, because “if they weren’t weak, they would just NOT LOOK like the rest of us.”

However, this belief is a lie in and of itself and men who struggle with porn need to realize that. Yes, we are weak – but so is everyone else.

Men who use porn aren’t suffering from some sort of special weakness nor is weakness the primary reason you struggle with pornography.

Reason #2: Fear of loss.

Hey, this is a legitimate concern. Men (especially Christian men) realize that when they come clean, they are taking a big risk. A risk that their “betrayal” may cost them everything they love.

But men, if this is you, realize it’s always better for your porn use to be “brought” not “caught.”

Getting caught with your hands in the proverbial cookie jar is far more devastating for your family than them finding out through humble and sincere confession and repentance.

Reason #3: Fear of hurting or disappointing those we love.

This reason is unique because it is in many ways selflessly motivated. I’ve been there.

Men don’t want to hurt or disappoint those they care about.

And let’s be honest… admitting porn use is hurtful and disappointing.

Men, while your motivation is altruistic (but ultimately self-serving), realize that your lies are even more painful and disappointing than your behavior. Lying may feel like a form of protection, however it’s anything but.

Reason #4: Fear of looking like the “creepy” guy.

Again, another myth: that only creepy guys look at porn.

Men don’t want to be “that guy,” especially in front of other people.

However, guys, this is your opportunity to shed light on the truth. Regular guys look at porn.

You don’t have to be a creep to do it. Be part of the solution and not part of the problem.

Reason #5: Fear of getting our butt kicked.

This reason is by far the most regrettable. Unfortunately, there are many men out there who lie because they just aren’t ready to stop.

They don’t want to get their butt kicked and be forced to deal with their issues.

Guys, if this is you, there’s not much I can say that hasn’t been said already.

You need to want freedom to find freedom.

There are plenty of other reasons men lie about their addiction and unhealthy behaviors, but these five are the most common.

I know the idea of telling people about your secrets and “sins” is scary.

But I assure you it’s the best thing you can do and will help lead you to freedom.

If you need a safe place to start talking about your struggles (and maybe your lies), try Live Free.

We are here to help you and walk through this stuff.

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