One of the topics I run into often when working with Christian men regarding the issues of pornography and sexual compulsion is the matter of sin.

This subject often comes up in relation to cause and effect and hierarchical importance. In other words…

1. Is sin the result of porn use or is porn use the result of sin?
2. Which is more important? The sin issue or maladaptive lifestyle?

And unfortunately, these questions cause a lot of confusion, especially among Christians. Confusion that often creates a great deal of ambiguity related to the issues and treatment of compulsive sexual behaviors. 

For instance…

Recently I posted a poll in our Live Free Community that asked the following question:

What messaging regarding porn use/unwanted sexual behavior have you heard the most in your life? 

The answers guys could choose from where:

• Porn is a spiritual issue. Pray, read your Bible more, etc.
• Porn is a mental health issue that results in sin.
• Porn is a sinful choice. Choose better (i.e. just stop it).
• Porn is a man’s inevitable fight. Learn how to fight better.
• Other

Nearly half of the respondents chose ”Porn is a sinful choice. Choose better (i.e. just stop it).” Conversely, only 9% of those polled selected “Porn is a mental health issue that results in sin.” To be honest, this did not shock me. After all, that is the messaging I’ve heard most often in my life, especially coming from the Chistian community.

However, this disparity in perspectives clearly demonstrated to me that the church in general has not done a great job in its approach to understanding and explaining the nature of pornography use and its spiritual implications. While it’s undeniable that engaging in porn use or other forms of maladaptive sexual behavior is morally wrong or “sinful,” it’s equally essential to recognize the underlying mental health factors that drive these compulsions.

By saying that I am not trying to dismiss the “sinful nature” of porn use. Nor am I trying to excuse it or scapegoat the matter. What I am saying is, let’s look at the BIGGER issue. 

Sure…

• Masturbating to a centerfold is a “sin.” 
• Looking at porn all night while your wife sleeps is a “sin.”
• Hooking up at rest stops or going to massage parlors is a “sin.”

But those poor choices are behavioral sins. Sins that involve wrong actions and thoughts. And the truth is this; they are all an outpouring of a greater issue. That being the broader spiritual question… 

How are you approaching the challenges of life?

Are you leaning on your faith to guide you, or are you seeking ways to escape your problems through temporary distractions? For many individuals, pornography and sexual behavior serve as coping mechanisms for deeper emotional pain and existential struggles.

As the book Faith and Sex talks about, recovery is a multifaceted organic process that requires more than simply not touching your penis. Rather true healing and recovery requires us to examine our beliefs, confront our demons, and cultivate resilience in the face of adversity. It’s about embracing the unknown with faith and courage, knowing that true transformation is possible.

And so when we live healthy, when we can regulate our emotions in an adaptive way, when we are willing to face the wall of our addictive patterns and make major changes to how we approach life and the unknown, then that will lead to better actions. 

Realize when we talk about our spiritual walk, it’s not a conversation about saying or doing or thinking the right things. It’s about how we approach life in general.

Are we trusting God or are we placing trust in ourselves and trying to control life on our terms?

Understand, when we view pornography as a “sin” that just needs to be stopped we fail to acknowledge the underlying complexities of human nature and the internal struggles individuals face on their journey toward healing. Essentially, we are settling for sin management versus life management. 

Again, this is in no way meant to minimize the “sinful” nature of sexually acting out. Porn, strip clubs, massage parlors… those things are wrong.

But real change is not a matter of good or bad choices.

Real change is being brave enough to examine one’s life and willing enough to make the systematic changes that are needed to live more authentically. It’s giving up our sense of control and embracing the unknown with faith and wonder. It’s learning how to deal with the complexities of life in an adaptive, healthy way rather than a maladaptive, destructive way.

And here’s the thing…

Real change is achievable. As we embark on the path of self-discovery and healing, the grip of addiction loosens, and the allure of sinful behavior diminishes. In other words, it becomes easier to say no to the quote “bad” or “sinful”  things because those choices are now just choices, rather than a necessary way of managing our out of control lives.

Therefore, my encouragement is to embrace a more holistic perspective that encompasses mind, body, and spirit so you can begin to unravel the tangled web of addiction and sin. Embark on a journey of self-discovery and redemption—one that requires patience, compassion, and grace rather than simple behavior modification.

Because if you do so, you will find yourself on the real side of change. And you will soon realize that while a lack of ”sinful” behavior may not guarantee a healthy existence, a mentally healthier you will most likely sin less.

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