Are you using your filter like a crutch



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There is no denying that along the road to freedom, there are resources and tools that we can all take advantage of to help make things a little easier.

Tools such as…

– Filters
– Internet accountability software
– Parental controls

And there is nothing wrong with using these tools.

After all, it can be a full-time job having to navigate through all the sexual media you are bombarded with each day. Consequently, if you can cut down on the number of times you have to say NO a day why wouldn’t you do that?

That’s just wisdom, right?

And so, when you use tools like a filter to throttle your access to porn because you are just trying to simplify your daily decision-making that is smart.

You are in essence putting up healthy guard rails that will help keep you from drifting out of your lane and off the road.

BUT, when using these tools as your solution for freedom, they can actually harm your growth rather than help it.

There is a HUGE difference between a boundary and a crutch.

Boundaries can help strengthen your freedom.

Crutches just hinder it.

So with that said, here are some things to look for to determine if you are using your filters and accountability tools to strengthen your boundaries, or leaning on them like a crutch.


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First, you have a love-hate relationship.

Does this sound familiar?

You installed a filter to keep you out of trouble, but then you spend all your time working on finding ways around it.

You love your filter because it “keeps you safe.” But you hate it too because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be trying to find loopholes in it.

However, if you are using your filter as a boundary then you don’t hate it and you don’t work against it.

Because, you welcome the value it provides.

Second, when you fall, your 1st instinct is to add more restrictions to your life instead of asking why you fell in the 1st place.

I’ve said this before, but with every failure comes an opportunity to learn.

When you act out you need to stop and ask why?

– What was going on?
– What happened that day?
– Were you feeling especially stressed, anxious, angry, whatever?

When your 1st instinct is “I need to lock down my life more” you skip over your opportunity for learning and growth.

Adding more padding to your cell room may make things safer, but it doesn’t make you healthier.

Third, when your crutch is removed you always fall or, you freak out because you are certain you will fall.

Crutches serve a purpose. They aid and protect when we are in a weakened state, but they are not meant to be permanent solutions.

They are just there until you get healthy enough to operate without them.

If every time you are on an unprotected device you fall (like it’s just a guarantee) then that tool you are using is serving as a crutch.

Listen, there is no getting around that early in the recovery process you may look to a filter or blocker as a crutch because you need all the help you can.

But, just know that a lack of failure that’s simply the result of a lack of opportunity is not freedom.

You need to grow in your recovery and healing.

Freedom is when you find that you are healthy enough to survive without these tools in your life.

Freedom says, I don’t need these things to keep me safe and healthy, but I will use them to make my life a little simpler and my boundaries a little more defined.

My hope is that you understand the true value of these tools and resources and look to them for the right reasons.

Because, when you focus solely on the problem you never get around to addressing the pain that causes you to turn to that problem in the first place.

And that’s what’s needed to find real freedom.

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