I think this is because they are just promises to ourselves and the only motivation to keep them is to not break our word. But let’s be honest, it’s not too hard to let ourselves off the hook for a broken promise.
And, quite honestly, when it comes to porn… most of us have become pro’s at letting ourselves down.
But a goal? That’s different because goals can truly motivate us.
The power in having a goal is not in our ability to hold up a promise, but in desire to achieve something big.
HOWEVER, FOR GOALS TO BE EFFECTIVE THEY NEED TO BE TIED TO A GOOD VALUE AND THEY NEED TO BE WELL DEFINED.
So then having a goal of not looking at porn for the next 30 days is a great goal, right?
This type of goal focuses on the endpoint. Which is not a bad thing per se, but it’s not in my opinion the best way to go about goal setting.
See, goals like that or… I want to lose 30lb in four weeks or, I want to save $1,000 by the end of the month all have the same shortcoming.
There is no course correction.
You either hit it or you don’t.
And when you don’t, you feel like a failure, which let’s be honest, we have enough failure in our lives.
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Consequently, when we continue to fail to hit our goals we start anticipating that failure and often end up creating self-fulfilling prophecies.
Basically, we give up on our goals and ourselves before we ever really start.
These types of goals are basically the things we need to consistently do to reach our end goal.
So for instance…. If your goal is losing weight, what do you need to do?
Well, exercise science tells us that a pound of fat equals 3,500 calories. So if you want to lose a pound a week you need to consume 3,500 calories less than you burn a week.
I need to consume 500 calories less than I eat
It’s specific and well-defined.
Here’s the beauty of this type of goal…
If your destination goal is to lose 12lbs in 12 weeks, you know you have to lose 1lb a week.
Therefore, your habit goal should be to consume 500 calories less than you burn a day.
The great thing here is on day three, if you know you only consumed 300 less than your burnt you have time to course-correct and adjust your calorie intake on day 3, 4, etc to make up for lost ground.
And it’s far more effective than just having an end goal with no habit goal connected to it.
Now, apply this to your situation.
Think through this…
When you experience periods of success, what things do you notice that you do that seem to help? Maybe some of the following?
– Regular accountability chats or support group meetings
– More time with God
– More meditation
– More exercise
– Not staying up too late
– I will meet with my accountability partner 1 time per week.
– I will spend 30 minutes per day with God.
– I will turn into bed by 10PM every night
– I will spend 45 minutes in the gym 3 times per week.
Write them down.
Post them somewhere you can see each day.
And then share them with someone who will hold you accountable.
If you approach your goal setting this way I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results you see.
And watch what happens.
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