This month is Valentine’s day, a holiday that at the mere mention of its name makes many men shudder and run for the hills.

Why?

Well, several reasons but one of them is that so many guys just simply put things off to the very last minute and in a panic, try to come up with some sort of grand gesture that shows their wife they care in the hopes of scoring a little action over the weekend 😉

Bad strategy. 

I can tell you for sure that if you think you’re going to improve your chances of sex by rushing out and giving your wife some meaningless token of your affection, it’s probably going to end with disappointment 🙁 

A better approach would be to look at things over the long term.

Try to figure out how you can improve the romance on a daily, weekly, monthly, and yes… even yearly basis.

This is a topic that we’ve discussed at length in the Live Free Community, and in fact, we offer a free course to our members that deal with this very subject.

That being said, I want to give you two quick things that made a tremendous difference years ago in me and my wife’s romantic life and intimate connection.

Realize, I don’t have the ability here to go super deep, but I do want to try to point you in the right direction so you can start doing some of the work on your own.

The first thing is obvious, I gave up porn.

Now I know this one may seem easier said than done for a lot of you, but it made a HUGE difference! 

When I was looking at porn and my wife knew it, in the back of her mind, she kept thinking about the images I was seeing and… 

The fact that she was not good enough.
The fact that I needed something or someone else other than her. 

The whole thing made her a bit resentful, understandably.

Consequently, when it came time to “get down” and I’d ask her if she wanted to have sex, in her mind she’d be thinking, “Oh boy, here we go. I’m good enough right now, but not any other time of the day.”

What a shot to her self-esteem! 

Of course she wasn’t eager for these intimate moments because many times she felt like she was playing second fiddle to my porn addiction. 

Now realize, the reason I was going to porn was because of much deeper issues that had nothing do with my wife or my dissatisfaction with her.

But this is what gets communicated to our spouses unintentionally and understandably so. 

If you are struggling with porn and you’re pursuing recovery, I would tell you the best thing you could do is show her how serious you are about the fact that you’re trying to kick this thing to the curb and that she’s the number one priority in your life. 

That you are going to do EVERYTHING you can to prove that to her and not let something like porn get in the way of you two building the best marriage possible. 

One thing I can tell you is this… meaningless promises and a whole lot of“I’ll try to do better next time’s” is not going to work or help the situation.

Eventually, our wives come to believe that these types of declarations are nothing but lies and good intentions, that nothing will actually change. 

And quite honestly, if you don’t do anything about these issues, nothing will change. 

That’s just the facts. 

Second, I took the time to discover my wife’s “love language” and started talking to her that way.

What, learn a new language?! 
Not exactly… but kind of. 
Let me explain.

There is something called the Love Language quiz. It’s very good and was created Dr. Gary Chapman. 

There is a free online version of this quiz that you can find HERE. 

Take five minutes, sit down with your wife and tell her that you want to make sure that you’re doing the best you can to show her you love her in the way that’s going to mean the most to her. 

Both of you take the test and see what each other’s love language is.

For most guys “touch” is probably going to be very high up there, but for the women, it can be all sorts of different things… touch, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation, and quality time.

When I discovered that my wife’s love language was acts of service, it changed the game for me.

I stopped trying to chase my tail, showing her all the different ways that I “loved her” and started focusing my efforts on serving her in very practical ways such as… 

Doing the dishes. 
Cleaning the shower.
Vacuuming.
Taking out the trash without being nagged.

All these things spoke volumes to my wife that I loved her because I was serving her.

Now for a woman whose love language is not acts of service, these types of tasks might seem commonplace, but for my wife, they were golden letters of love and that definitely improved the romantic side of things for us. 

Remember the best strategy for a great love life is a long-term plan, not a short term fix.

Don’t just run out. Get a card, flowers and think it’s over. 

Work with your wife and figure out a way that you can show her how much you love her day, after day, after day so you both can build a marriage that is meaningful, fulfilling, and yes, hot and romantic as well. 

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