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Is Masturbation a Sin without Porn?

 

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“Is looking at ‘this’ a sin? Is it wrong?”

Maybe you’ve asked yourself these questions in the past. I know when I was deep in my struggles with porn, I would entertain these thoughts often.

Rationalizing, bargaining, justifying, etc.

This month we started something called Office Hours with XXXchurch where we answer questions that come in from our followers about all the topics we often deal with in this line of work.

Last week this question came in from a woman.

“If a woman masturbates, doesn’t visualize anyone or anything, only does it once a month, and doesn’t use porn to help; is it a sin?”

Sounds like a fair enough question. But to be honest, I think it’s the wrong question; or at least… I think there is a better question to ask.

Here’s what I mean.

When we ask questions like this, we are basically looking for permission. And, whenever we’re looking for permission about a certain behavior or a certain thing that we don’t necessarily feel a hundred percent good about, that should be our first clue we are headed down a questionable path.

Generally speaking, you don’t need to ask for permission if you feel confident about your decision or stance. But, when this happens, you may want to ask some better questions, such as:

Is this going to help me?
Is this healthy for me?

Because the answers to these questions are going to be far more powerful and enlightening than a permission slip.

Let me give you an example outside the sexual realm because I think it’ll explain what I mean.

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I work out. I try to eat right? And I do count my calories (ugh). I do all this stuff because I want to keep an eye on how much I’m eating, how many calories I’m burning, and so on.

Because I care about my health and overall fitness levels.

So let’s just say, today I go out and ask myself, “Hey, can I eat a big juicy, greasy burger for lunch? Is that okay?”

The answer is… Yeah, it’s “okay.”

– It’s not going to kill me, immediately that is. (Rationalizing)
– It’s within my calorie allowance and I can always eat less. (Bargaining)
– It’s technically food and I need food to survive. (Justifying)

So, yeah… I can eat that burger today, and it’s “okay.”

But what if I were to ask that question every day?
And what if I get the same answer every day?
And so, what if I eat a juicy, greasy burger every day?

Well, over the course of five years, that daily decision that’s “okay” now will prove to be a tremendous problem for my overall health and fitness levels over the long haul.

See what I’m saying?

So the better question is not, “Hey Carl, can you eat that burger today?”

But rather,

“Hey Carl, should you eat that burger today?”

Is it going to help you reach your goals?
Is this going to be good over the long term?
Is it beneficial for your health?

And the answer to those questions is a resounding NO!

So I’m going to pass.

The same thing in this situation or any situation when you are trying to rationalize sexual behavior that you aren’t feeling really great about.

Do you want to get married and/or strengthen your marriage?

Yes.

Do you want to be able to bond exclusively with your husband or wife and build deep intimacy without any weird baggage getting in the way

Yes.

Do you want your brain to start making connections with masturbation and certain visuals or thought patterns because of repeated behaviors?

No.

So is masturbating without the use of porn a sin or not? After all…

– I’m not looking at porn or thinking about someone. (Rationalizing)
– At least I’m not cheating on someone or sleeping around. (Bargaining)
– I’m only doing it because I feel like I really need it. (Justifying)

Maybe yes. Maybe not. Who cares?

Is it going to help you reach your goals? No.
Is it going to prove beneficial for you? No.
Is it healthy for you? Probably not.

So, then you probably shouldn’t do it even if you have permission.

Because in the end, we shouldn’t be pursuing what’s just “okay,” but rather what’s the best for us and our lives.

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