Carl Thomas

Pastor | Live Free Founder | Lover of Jesus, Philly sports, fitness, tattoos, sarcasm, and craft beers.

One unfortunate reality of our modern, high-tech, high-pressure society is that many of us are medicating our lives in one way or another just to get by each day.

Pills, alcohol, weed, gambling, compulsive sex, overeating… you name it. We do it not because life magically gets better, like medicine curing an illness, but because it works. It quiets our anxiety, soothes our frustration, and numbs our emotional pain by allowing us to escape from the unpleasant feelings we don’t know how to handle.

In other words, these “medications” serve as powerful coping mechanisms that actually do what they promise: relief.

Need convincing? Consider these unfortunate statistics:

• Over half of Americans (58%) aged 12 and older used tobacco, vaped, drank alcohol, or used an illicit drug in the past month.
• Nearly 71 million people (25%) aged 12 and older used illegal drugs or misused prescriptions in the past year.
• More than half of Americans (54%) reported drinking alcohol in 2025.

Yet, for people struggling with compulsive sexual behaviors or pornography, the stakes can feel even higher.
This is because there’s an added layer of shame for those whose “medicine” involves sexual behaviors or pornography because society already labels these behaviors as “wrong” or “dirty.” As a result, the coping method itself (i.e., what we turn to for relief) can become a source of guilt and secrecy.

This creates a compounding effect: you’re not just medicating the original pain, but also the shame and guilt that come from engaging in behaviors you may despise.

But here’s the catch: what happens when the medicine is gone?

When the alcohol, pills, or compulsive behavior isn’t available? For many, removing the coping mechanism without addressing the underlying emotional or psychological pain doesn’t fix anything. Instead, it simply exposes the wound that the medicine was temporarily masking. Anxiety, depression, shame, or compulsive urges often return stronger than before, leading to cycles of relapse.

This is why approaches that focus only on stopping the behavior can feel like a revolving door.

Sure, abstinence or reduction might give a quick win, but it doesn’t last. The surface problem has been patched, but the underlying cause such as stress, trauma, or loneliness is still there, quietly demanding relief. And for sexual behaviors and porn use, that underlying cause is often connected to unmet emotional needs, attachment wounds, or past trauma (Carnes, 2018). Therefore, if we ignore those unmet needs, the relief-seeking behavior almost always comes back.

So what does moving beyond medication look like?

First, it starts with perspective. Those behaviors or substances that give temporary relief aren’t inherently the enemy. They’re a signal pointing to something deeper inside that needs attention. 

Recognizing this is the first step in shifting from shame to understanding.

From there, it’s about building tools that allow you to regulate your emotions without relying on external quick fixes. That might mean learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings instead of avoiding them, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in somatic exercises that calm the nervous system (Porges, 2017). 

Therapy can help unpack old trauma, attachment injuries, or stress patterns that make self-medication feel necessary. Building secure connections with friends, mentors, or support groups also provides natural relief and reduces the perceived need for harmful coping strategies.

Understand that moving beyond medication doesn’t mean punishing yourself or relying solely on willpower. It means replacing reliance on automatic, external relief with internal strategies that actually heal. Over time, the behaviors or substances we once leaned on for relief lose their grip because the original wound has been addressed. Instead of merely surviving, we learn to live fully, handling life’s challenges without automatically reaching for relief outside ourselves.

To put it simply: fix the big problem, and the little problems tend to resolve themselves with some intentional effort.

That said, because sexual behaviors and pornography are taboo for many, people may feel they’re “wrong” for needing relief at all. Realize that shame can be more toxic than the behavior itself, reinforcing secrecy and isolation. Acknowledging the coping mechanism as a response to real emotional needs reduces that shame and opens the door to genuine healing.

The truth is, focusing only on stopping sexual behaviors, porn use, or other coping mechanisms might get results fast, but those victories are usually temporary. Lasting change happens when we address the root cause: the emotional, psychological, and social wounds that made the “medicine” feel necessary in the first place.

By learning to move beyond reliance on external relief, we build resilience, self-understanding, and freedom from shame.

At the end of the day, moving beyond medication isn’t about denying the relief you once needed. It’s about discovering healthier ways to meet that need. It’s about learning to soothe, regulate, and grow without the crutch. And that’s where real freedom lies—not in temporary fixes, but in lasting healing.

By the way, if you enjoyed this post, sign up for our newsletter to get content like this sent directly to your inbox once per week with no strings attached.

References:

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2024). 2024 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH): Annual national report. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.samhsa.gov/data/report/2024-nsduh-annual-national-report

National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics. (2023). Drug abuse statistics. https://drugabusestatistics.org

Gallup. (2025, September 3). Record-low 54% in U.S. drank alcohol in past week. https://news.gallup.com/poll/653836/record-low-drank-alcohol-past-week.aspx

Carnes, P. (2018). Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction (3rd ed.). Hazelden Publishing.

Porges, S. W. (2017). The pocket guide to the polyvagal theory: The transformative power of feeling safe. W. W. Norton & Company.

GET OUR 10 DAY FREEDOM FROM PORN ACTION PLAN

Sign up and get our free plan to help you break free from porn use and start living the life you were meant to live.

First Name*

Email*

What best describes you?*

What’s best describes you? I want to quit looking at porn and don’t know where to begin. I’ve tried everything to stop looking at porn and feel powerless. I know I need help, but I also know I need someone else to help me. I just need to get past my shame and closer to God. I'm trying to help my husband or boyfriend stop looking at porn. None of these describe me.

Get Your 10 Day FREE Action Plan