The Silence that Kills



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This month we shared some staggering statistics about the porn epidemic and the church on XXXchurch.com.

Here’s what we posted…

  • – 20% of youth pastors admit to currently struggling with porn.
  • – 53% of all pastors within the last 12 months have learned that someone they know in ministry struggles with porn.
  • – 47% of Christians say pornography is a major problem in their home.
  • – 64% of pastors who use porn believe that it has on some level negatively impacted their ministry.
  • – 59% of practicing Christian married men have sought a pastor’s help for porn use.


Just 7% of pastors say their church has a ministry program for those struggling with porn.

When we shared these numbers on our social media channels they got quite the reaction. Most of the comments we received shared a common sentiment…

How can this be? Why is there such apathy among church leaders?  

And while I don’t disagree that the church needs to do way more in this area, the reality is that the church is more than just a building, an organization, and its leaders.

The church is us.

In other words, the reason the church is not doing enough to address porn and sexual integrity matters is because we are not doing enough.

Our silence breeds apathy.

The reality is for every person out there who is clamoring for more help and conversation around these issues, there are dozens of people who rather just keep quiet about these topics because they create awkwardness and discomfort.

We claim we want more authenticity and transparency in the church, but do we really?


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Are we ready for what that looks like?

The truth is that when we are bold enough to engage in these conversations it gets messy and difficult.

But real life is messy and difficult… and that’s ok.

Because the alternative is death.

  • – When we are silent about our struggles we empower them.
    – When we are silent about our hurts and pains we deepen them.
    – When we are silent about our loneliness, we increase the isolation.

And when we are silent about our desire to seek healing and community we kill the possibility of freedom and true restoration.

So here’s my challenge…

If you are someone who doesn’t struggle with these issues don’t avoid conversation about them. Make yourself available to those who do and help create cultures and communities where grace is encouraged and silence is not.

If you are someone who does struggle, find the courage to speak out and don’t buy into the false lie that silence is a better path. You need a community of support where you can seek healing and crush the shame that seeks to keep you down.

You were created for more than a life of addiction and pain and silence will keep you stuck if you let it.

We all need to understand and accept that change will only happen if we are in this together.

The hurting and the healer.
The church goer and the church leader.

Together we can do more.
Together we must do more.

We can’t let silence have the last word.

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