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Maybe you are reading this and wondering how transparency equates to “safety.”

In fact, these two terms seem highly counterintuitive.

How does being open and transparent keep one safe? If anything, these behaviours expose us and being exposed is not “safe.”

Social media experts will tell you to remove all sorts of personal information from your online profiles and lock down your privacy settings in the interest of keeping you “safe” from identity thieves, predators, or just nosy neighbors.  

Think about it, why don’t we walk around with our social security number displayed on our shirt?  

Well, first it would be a really bad fashion choice and second, it just wouldn’t be safe … right? 

The point I’m making here is that, in general, safety is often associated with privacy or secrecy, but when it comes to freedom and sexual integrity quite the opposite is true.

You see, one thing that gives porn addiction such power in our lives is its secretive nature.

We think that if we keep our problems and bad choices secret we won’t be found out and therefore we won’t have to deal with the fallout.  However, what often happens is that our addiction continues to grow because it is left unchecked.  

Eventually, these things get out of control leading to horrible repercussions.  

While the idea of being transparent about our sexual struggles may seem distasteful and uncomfortable, the reality is that it is one of the best things we can do when it comes to maintaining or regaining our sexual integrity.

Understand that being transparent is a good thing and it provides a tremendous measure of safety in our lives because it invites others into our struggles.


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The Bible says, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.”  

Recognize that one’s journey towards sexual integrity is a team effort, not a solo venture. 

If you don’t have people you are accountable to and transparent with when it comes to your sexual struggles, you are destined for compromise.  

Transparency allows others into your life and gives them permission to speak truth into your circumstances.

It provides an avenue for authentic sharing, true encouragement, and the sharpening of one another’s minds.

So often moral failure is preceded by a series of subtle bad decisions that we rationalize as being acceptable.

However, when we are practicing a lifestyle of transparency our accountability partners can draw attention to those things that we have overlooked and help get us back on course before we drive off the road.  

Transparency functions as a lifeline we can grab onto when sliding down the slippery slope of compromise.

If you practice transparency and seek accountability in your life then great job!  Keep it up because, in the end, it will save you a great deal of heartache and regrets.  

However, if you keep your decision-making and struggles private then STOP! Your secrecy isn’t keeping you safe; it’s actually making things worse.  

Get accountable. 
Get honest.
Get involved in some good community.  

Start living your life the way it was meant to be lived … authentically.

The time has come for each of us to experience the freedom, peace of mind, and overwhelming self-confidence that come from living a life free of secrets and lies.

Freedom awaits. We just need to be brave enough to go after it.

And if you need some help starting these conversations without being held back by sexual shame and fear, check out my new book When Shame Gets Real: A new way to talk about sex, porn and masturbation.

In fact, I’ll send you the first chapter for free if you click here.

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